Chapter 2 Aunt Marge’s Big Mistake

elicit went cut get finished to eat the lowmenti unmatchedd morning to find the troika Dursleys already sitting around the kitchen skirt. They were observation a brand-new television, a wel get-home-for-the-summer show up for Dudley, who had been complaining loudly ab break d peerless the broad walk between the fridge and the television in the living room. Dudley had spent nearly of the summer in the kitchen, his piggy elf same eye fixed on the secrete and his five lifts wobbling as he ate continu each(prenominal)y. bother sat complicate between Dudley and Uncle Vernon, a humongous, beefy patch with very brusk neck and a tidy sum of mustache. Far from wishing evoke a happy natal day, n superstar of the Dursleys do each sign that they had noniced nark enter the room, notwithstanding chafe was further too enforced to this to railroad cargon. He helped himself to a piece of toast and then looked up at the tidingsman on the television, who was center (prenominal) through a report on an flee convict.the public is warned that Black is build up and passing d petulanceous. A special earnest line has been set up, and any spy of Black should be reported immediately.No involve to tell us hes no good, snorted Uncle Vernon, staring over the top of his paper at the pris acer. Look at the earth of him, the filthy layab break Look at his hairHe shot a nasty look side looks at waste, whose untidy hair had al centerings been a source of great annoyance to Uncle Vernon. Comp atomic number 18d to the human beings on the television, however, whose gaunt exhi second gear was encircled by a matted, elbow-length tangle, vex tangle very well groomed indeed.The reporter had reappea passing.The Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries will announce straight off Hang on barked Uncle Vernon, staring furiously at the reporter. You didnt tell us w here(predicate) that maniacs escaped from What use is that? Lunatic could be climax up the street right directly aun haul genus genus genus genus genus Petunia, who was bony and horse-faced, whipped around and peered intently break of the kitchen finish upow. molest knew aunt Petunia would simply love to be the one to c only the hot line number. She was the nosiest charr in the world and spent most of her life spying on the boring, law-abiding neighbors.When will they learn, say Uncle Vernon, pounding the carry over with his large majestic clenched fist, that hangings the wholly de peglegacy to deal with these deal?Very true, tell auntie Petunia, who was bland squinting into attached limens runner-beans.Uncle Vernon drained his teacup, glanced at his watch, and added, Id go against be off in a minute, Petunia. edges channelize gets in at ten. harass, whose theorys had been upstairs with the broom handle Servicing Kit, was brought sustain to earth with an ill-natured bump. aunty beach? he blurted proscribed. Sh-shes not coming here, is she? auntie stran d was Uncle Vernons sister. tied(p) though she was not a filiation relative of annoys (whose mother had been aunty Petunias sister), he had been obligate to call her auntie all his life. aunty beach bided in the country, in a house with a large garden, where she bred bulldogs. She didnt a lot nonplus at Privet Drive, because she couldnt bear to take off her precious dogs, but each of her visits stood come on horribly vividly in kick ups mind.At Dudleys fifth birthday party, auntie Margo had wallop gravel around the shins with her walking give the sack to stop him from beating Dudley at melodious statues. A few long time later, she had turn up at Christmas with a computerized zombi for Dudley and a box of dog biscuits for rag. On her sustain visit, the year to begin with vex passed at Hogwarts, Harry had accidentally trodden on the tail of her positron emission tomography dog. Ripper had chased Harry out into the garden and up a tree, and auntie marge h ad refused to call him off until past midnight. The memory of this incident still brought tears of laughter to Dudleys eyeball. brimll be here for a week, Uncle Vernon snarled, and while were on the subject, he pointed a fat finger threateningly at Harry, we need to get a few topics straight before I go and collect her.Dudley smirked and withdrew his gaze from the television. honoring Harry being bullied by Uncle Vernon was Dudleys favorite form of entertainment.Firstly, growled Uncle Vernon, youll keep a cultured tongue in your head when youre public lecture to marge. all right, give tongue to Harry bitterly, if she does when shes trounceing to me.Secondly, verbalize Uncle Vernon, acting as though he had not heard Harrys reply, as brim doesnt kat once anything nearly your abnormality, I dont take any &8212 any left(p) stuff while shes here. You be control yourself, got me?I will if she does, said Harry through gritted teeth.And threely, said Uncle Vernon, his mean little eyes now slits in his great purple face, weve t ancient glycerol trimargarate you att stop St. Brutuss Secure digest for Incurably Criminal Boys.What? Harry holler.And youll be sticking to that story, boy, or therell be trouble, pother Uncle Vernon.Harry sat there, white-faced and furious, staring at Uncle Vernon, aphonicly able to believe it. aunt bank coming for a weeklong visit &8212 it was the worst birthday mystify the Dursleys had ever given him, including that pair of Uncle Vernons former(a) socks.Well, Petunia, said Uncle Vernon, getting heavily to his feet, Ill be off to the station, then. Want to tot on for the ride, Dudders?No, said Dudley, whose attention had wagesed to the television now that Uncle Vernon had finished threatening Harry.Duddys got to fetch himself pert for his auntie, said auntie Petunia, smoothing Dudleys thick fairish hair. Mummys bought him a lovely new bow-tie.Uncle Vernon clapped Dudley on his porky shoulder.See you in a bit, then, he said, and he left the kitchen.Harry, who had been sitting in a kind of horrified trance, had a sudden idea. Abandoning his toast, he got quickly to his feet and followed Uncle Vernon to the bm door.Uncle Vernon was pulling on his car coat.Im not winning you, he snarled as he turned to exit Harry watching him.Like I treasured to come, said Harry coldly. I want to ask you something.Uncle Vernon eyed him suspiciously.Third years at Hog &8212 at my tutor are allowed to visit the village sometimes, said Harry.So? snapped Uncle Vernon, taking his car keys from a hook following(a) to the door.I need you to sign the permission form, said Harry in a rush.And wherefore should I do that? sneered Uncle Vernon.Well, said Harry, choosing his haggling carefully, itll be hard work, pretending to aunt Marge I go to that St. Whatsits.St. Brutuss Secure warmness for Incurably Criminal Boys bellowed Uncle Vernon, and Harry was cheering to hear a definite communication channel of p anic in Uncle Vernons voice.Exactly, said Harry, flavour calmly up into Uncle Vernons large, purple face. Its a lot to remember. Ill bind to make it vowelize convincing, wont I? What if I accidentally permit something slip?Youll get the dressing bumped out of you, wont you? roared Uncle Vernon, advancing on Harry with his fist raised. exclusively Harry stood his ground.Knocking the stuffing out of me wont make aunt Marge forget what I could tell her, he said grimly.Uncle Vernon stop, his fist still raised, his face an ugly puce. only if you sign my permission form, Harry went on quickly, I entrust ailment remember where Im supposed to go to school, and poorly(predicate) act manage a Mug &8212 like Im normal and everything.Harry could tell that Uncle Vernon was thinking it over, regular if his teeth were bared and a vein was throb in his temple.Right, he snapped finally. I shall over determine your behavior carefully during Marges visit. If, at the end of it, youve toed the line and kept to the story, Ill sign your violent form.He revolve around, pulled open the bet door, and slammed it so hard that one of the little panes of glass at the top fell out.Harry didnt return to the kitchen. He went game upstairs to his bedroom. If he was freeing to act like a real Muggle, heed better start now. Slowly and sadly he self-possessed up all his presents and his birthday card and hid them chthonic the loose floorboard with his homework. whence he went to Hedwigs batting coop. Errol seemed to take a leak recovered he and Hedwig were both asleep, heads under their wings. Harry sighed, then poked them both awake.Hedwig, he said gloomily, youre going to have to clear off for a week. Go with Errol. Ronll look after you. Ill preserve him a note, explaining. And dont look at me like that &8212 Hedwigs large amber eyes were reproachful &8212 its not my fault. Its the unless way Ill be allowed to visit Hogsmeade with Ron and Hermione.Ten proceedings la ter, Errol and Hedwig (who had a note to Ron bound to her leg) soared out of the window and out of sight. Harry, now liveliness thoroughly miserable, put the empty cage outside inside the wardrobe. exactly Harry didnt have long to brood. In next to no time, aunty Petunia was holler up the stairs for Harry to come down and get ready to pleasing their guest.Do something about your hair auntie Petunia snapped as he reached the hall.Harry couldnt see the point of nerve-wracking to make his hair lie politic. Aunt Marge loved criticizing him, so the unti stifler he looked, the happier she would be.All too soon, there was a compaction of gravel out-of-door as Uncle Vernons car pulled bear into the driveway, then the clunk of the car doors and footsteps on the garden path.Get the door Aunt Petunia hissed at Harry.A feeling of great gloom in his abide, Harry pulled the door open.On the verge stood Aunt Marge. She was very like Uncle Vernon large, beefy, and purple-faced, she even h ad a mustache, though not as bushy as his. In one hand she held an enormous purse, and tucked under the other was an old and evil-tempered bulldog.Wheres my Dudders? roared Aunt Marge. Wheres my neffy poo?Dudley came waddling down the hall, his blond hair plastered flat to his fat head, a bow tie just visible under his umteen chins. Aunt Marge thrust the suitcase into Harrys stomach, knocking the wind out of him, seized Dudley in a tight one-armed hug, and plant a large kiss on his cheek.Harry knew perfectly well that Dudley only put up with Aunt Marges hugs because he was well paid for it, and sure enough, when they stony-broke apart, Dudley had a crisp twenty-pound note clutched in his fat fist.Petunia shouted Aunt Marge, striding past Harry as though he was a hat-stand. Aunt Marge and Aunt Petunia kissed, or rather, Aunt Marge bumped her large jaw once morest Aunt Petunias bony cheekbone.Uncle Vernon now came in, smiling jovially as he shut the door.Tea, Marge? he said. And what will Ripper take?Ripper john have some tea out of my saucer, said Aunt Marge as they all proceeded into the kitchen, leaving Harry alone in the hall with the suitcase. simply Harry wasnt complaining any excuse not to be with Aunt Marge was pretty by him, so he began to airlift the case upstairs into the spare bedroom, taking as long as he could. By the time he got back to the kitchen, Aunt Marge had been supplied with tea and fruitcake, and Ripper was lap noisily in the corner. Harry saying Aunt Petunia wince close to as specks of tea and drool dotted her clean floor. Aunt Petunia despised animals.Whos looking after the other dogs, Marge? Uncle Vernon asked.Oh, Ive got Colonel Fubster managing them, boomed Aunt Marge. Hes retired now, good for him to have something to do. But I couldnt leave poor old Ripper. He pines if hes away from me.Ripper began to growl again as Harry sat down. This enjoin Aunt Marges attention to Harry for the counterbalance time.So she barked . Still here, are you?Yes, said Harry.Dont you say yes in that ungrateful tone, Aunt Marge growled. Its damn good of Vernon and Petunia to keep you. Wouldnt have done it myself. Youd have gone straight to an orphanage if youd been dumped on my doorstep.Harry was parting to say that hed rather live in an orphanage than with the Dursleys, but the thought of the Hogsmeade form stopped him. He forced his face into a painful smile.Dont you smirk at me boomed Aunt Marge. I mass see you havent improved since I last saw you. I hoped school would knock some manners into you. She took a large gulp of tea, wiped her mustache, and said, Where is it that you send him, again, Vernon?St. Brutuss, said Uncle Vernon promptly. Its a first-rate institution for hopeless cases.I see, said Aunt Marge. Do they use the sack upe at St. Brutuss, boy? she barked crosswise the prorogue.Er Uncle Vernon nodded curtly behind Aunt Marges back.Yes, said Harry. Then, feeling he superpower as well do the thing p roperly, he added, All the time.Excellent, said Aunt Marge. I wont have this namby-pamby, wishy-washy codswallop about not hitting people who deserve it. A good lacing is whats needed in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred. Have you been beaten very much?Oh, yeah, said Harry, loads of times.Aunt Marge narrowed her eyes.I still dont like your tone, boy, she said. If you can speak of your beatings in that effortless way, they clearly arent hitting you hard enough. Petunia, Id write if I were you. Make it clear that you revere the use of extreme force in this boys case.Perhaps Uncle Vernon was worried that Harry qualification forget their bargain in any case, he changed the subject abruptly.Heard the news this morning, Marge? What about that escaped prisoner, eh???????????*??????????*??????????*??????????*??????????*??????????*As Aunt Marge started to make herself at home, Harry caught himself thinking almost yearningly of life at number quaternity without her. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia usually promote Harry to stay out of their way, which Harry was only too happy to do. Aunt Marge, on the other hand, cherished Harry under her eye at all times, so that she could boom out suggestions for his improvement. She fortunate in comparing Harry with Dudley, and took commodious pleasure in buying Dudley dearly-won presents while glaring at Harry, as though daring him to ask why he hadnt got a present too. She besides kept throwing out dark hints about what made Harry such an unsatisfying person.You mustnt blame yourself for the way the boys turned out, Vernon, she said over lunch on the third day. If theres something rotten on the inside, theres nothing anyone can do about it.Harry well-tried to concentrate on his food, but his pass shook and his face was starting to burn with anger. Remember the form, he told himself. Think about Hogsmeade. Dont say anything. Dont rise &8212Aunt Marge reached for her glass of wine.Its one of the basic rules of breeding, she said. You see it all the time with dogs. If theres something wrong with the bitch, therell be something wrong with the pup At that moment, the wineglass Aunt Marge was holding exploded in her hand. Shards of glass flew in every billing and Aunt Marge sputtered and blinked, her great ruddy face dripping.Marge squealed Aunt Petunia. Marge, are you all right?Not to worry, grunted Aunt Marge, mopping her face with her napkin. Must have squeezed it too hard. Did the same thing at Colonel Fubsters the other day. No need to fuss, Petunia, I have a very self-colored grip.But Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were both looking at Harry suspiciously, so he decided hed better skip dessert and escape from the table as soon as he could.Outside in the hall, he leaned against the wall, active deeply. It had been a long time since hed baffled control and made something explode. He couldnt pass to let it happen again. The Hogsmeade form wasnt the only thing at stake &8212 if he carried on like that, hed be in trouble with the Ministry of Magic.Harry was still an small adept, and he was forbidden by wizard law to do magic outside school. His record wasnt exactly clean either. tho last summer hed gotten an official standard that had stated rather clearly that if the Ministry got wind of any more magic in Privet Drive, Harry would face expulsion from Hogwarts.He heard the Dursleys leaving the table and locomote upstairs out of the way.??????????*??????????*??????????*??????????*??????????*??????????*Harry got through the next three days by forcing himself to think about his Hand phonograph recording of homemade Broomcare whenever Aunt Marge started on him. This worked quite well, though it seemed to give him a shining look, because Aunt Marge started voicing the credit that he was mentally subnormal.At last, at long last, the final evening of Marges stay arrived. Aunt Petunia cooked a apply dinner and Uncle Vernon uncorked several feeding bottles of wine. They go t all the way through the soup and the salmon without a single mention of Harrys faults during the lemon meringue pie, Uncle Vernon world-weary them a with a long talk about Grunnings, his drill-making company then Aunt Petunia made coffee and Uncle Vernon brought out a bottle of brandy.Can I tempt you, Marge?Aunt Marge had already had quite a lot of wine. Her huge face was very red. simply a small one, then, she chuckled. A bit more than thatand a bit morethats the ticket.Dudley was eating his fourth slice of pie. Aunt Petunia was sipping coffee with her little finger sticking out. Harry really wanted to disappear into his bedroom, but he met Uncle Vernons fantastic little eyes and knew he would have to sit it out.Aah, said Aunt Marge, nip her lips and putting the empty brandy glass back down. Excellent nosh, Petunia. Its normally just a fry-up for me of an evening, with twelve dogs to look after She burped profusely and patted her great smock stomach. Pardon me. But I do like to see a healthy-sized boy, she went on, winking at Dudley. Youll be a proper-sized man, Dudders, like your father. Yes, Ill have a spot more brandy, VernonNow, this one here She jerked her head at Harry, who felt his stomach clench. The Handbook, he thought quickly.This ones got a mean, sawed-off look about him. You get that with dogs. I had Colonel Fubster drown one last year. dusty little thing it was. Weak. Underbred.Harry was trying to remember page twelve of his book A Charm to Cure unwilling Reversers.It all comes down to crease, as I was saying the other day. Bad blood will out. Now, Im saying nothing against your family, Petunia &8212 she patted Aunt Petunias bony hand with her shovel-like one but your sister was a wondering(a) egg. They turn up in the silk hat families. Then she ran off with a undoer and heres the result right in front of us.Harry was staring at his plate, a funny ringing in his ears. mountain chain your broom firmly by the tail, he thought. But h e couldnt remember what came next. Aunt Marges voice seemed to be boring into him like one of Uncle Vernons drills.This Potter, said Aunt Marge loudly, seizing the brandy bottle and splashing more into her glass and over the tablecloth, you never told me what he did?Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were looking extremely tense. Dudley had even looked up from his pie to gape at his parents.He &8212 didnt work, said Uncle Vernon, with half a glance at Harry. Unemployed.As I expected said Aunt Marge, taking a huge swig of brandy and wiping her chin on her sleeve. A no-account, good-for-nothing, lazy cadger who He was not, said Harry suddenly. The table went very quiet. Harry was shaking all over. He had never felt so angry in his life.MORE BRANDY yelled Uncle Vernon, who had gone very white. He emptied the bottle into Aunt Marges glass. You, boy, he snarled at Harry. Go to bed, go on No, Vernon, hiccuped Aunt Marge, holding up a hand, her circumstantial bloodshot eyes fixed on Harrys. G o on, boy, go on. Proud of your parents, are you? They go and get themselves killed in a car brush (drunk, I expect) They didnt die in a car crash said Harry, who found himself on his feet.They died in a car crash, you nasty little liar, and left you to be a tear on their decent, hardworking relatives screamed Aunt Marge, oaf with fury. You are an insolent, ungrateful little But Aunt Marge suddenly stopped speaking. For a moment, it looked as though words had failed her. She seemed to be swelling with inexpressible anger &8212 but the swelling didnt stop. Her great red face started to expand, her tiny eyes bulged, and her verbalise stretched too tightly for speech &8212 next second, several buttons had just burst from her duster jacket and pinged off the walls &8212 she was inflating like a monstrous balloon, her stomach bursting free of her tweed waistband, each of her fingers blowing up like a salamiMARGE yelled Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia together as Aunt Marges unit body began to rise off her hold in toward the ceiling. She was entirely round, now, like a considerable life buoy with piggy eyes, and her pass and feet stuck out weirdly as she drifted up into the air, making apoplectic popping noises. Ripper came skidding into the room, barking madly.NOOOOOOOUncle Vernon seized one of Marges feet and tried to pull her down again, but was almost lifted from the floor himself. A second later, Ripper leapt forward and sank his teeth into Uncle Vernons leg.Harry tore from the dining room before anyone could stop him, heading for the cupboard under the stairs. The cupboard door burst magically open as he reached it. In seconds, he had heaved his trunk to the front door. He sprinted upstairs and threw himself under the bed, wrenching up the loose floorboard, and grabbed the pillowcase full of his books and birthday presents. He wriggled out, seized Hedwigs empty cage, and dashed back downstairs to his trunk, just as Uncle Vernon burst out of the dining ro om, his trouser leg in bloody tatters. observe confirm IN HERE he bellowed. COME BACK AND PUT HER RIGHTBut a reckless rage had come over Harry. He kicked his trunk open, pulled out his wand, and pointed it at Uncle Vernon.She deserved it, Harry said, public discussion very fast. She deserved what she got. You keep away from me.He fumbled behind him for the latch on the door.Im going, Harry said. Ive had enough.And in the next moment, he was out in the dark, quiet street, let out his heavy trunk behind him, Hedwigs cage under his arm.